Oh man, feels pretty weird now that i’m no longer 22.
When you’re 22, you still have the excuse to behave like a teenager, to behave like you don’t need to care much about what goes on and you could put on this facade that everything will naturally fall into place automatically.

Now that i’m 23, does this mean i have to be an adult now? Am i still allowed to make bad decisions and be ok with it? Not sure if i’m ready to deal with adult things.

i was just looking back at the past year and it still baffles me how my life seemed to have completely changed in just a span of one year. Things are now, different.

If you asked me 3 months, or even 2 months ago how excited i was to come back home for the holiday, i would say “I CAN’T WAIT” without batting an eyelid. Over the course of 9 months, i’ve missed home, i’ve missed my parents and close friends.

However, over the past month prior to flying home, i found myself contemplating if i should come back home (???). I was hesitant and i was mildly scared. As much as i was excited to reunite with people i’ve not seen in 9 months, i felt like i could just stay back in London and i’ll be alright with it. I’ve found an immense amount of comfort living in London and i was too afraid that being back in Singapore would disrupt all the happy feelings and somehow it wouldn’t be the same anymore. Someone told me the other day, “Celeste, something about you feels different”. I wasn’t sure if it was different good, or different bad. Am i really that different? I still walk the same, i still laugh over stupid things and i still have a single eyelid on one eye which i’m praying and wishing that one day would magically crease and become a double eyelid. So how am i different? Is it the way i carry myself? or the way i talk? I admit though, i think my mentality’s changed. Sure enough, my insecurities have doubled and my social skills have weakened.

I guess, if there was a possibility of asking for intangible things as a birthday gift, i think i would ask for more courage. Courage to believe in myself more, courage to shadow my insecurities and courage to make decisions.

This year, my birthday’s different. Different in a good way. Though simple, it was enough. I felt special and am incredibly thankful. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

So, one year older, probably not one year wiser. Nevertheless, i still count my blessings for being surrounded by people who care for me. Here’s to being happier, to keeping the happiness that seems to be fleeting stay for good, to more spontaneous adventures, to a good school year ahead and to someday where i’d get the confidence to feel like i’m perhaps, possibly good enough.

Happy Birthday to me.
I’m now one year closer to being 30, great.