Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind …

I don’t get it though, how does it feel like to be a plastic bag? Weightless and plastic-ky?

Going through jet lag is no fun at all. Firstly i feel tired at the wrong time and secondly, all the time trying to fall asleep gives my brain more reasons to wander and invite sad thoughts. I think i’ve been kinda deprived of sleep that i have double eye bags. If they were real bags, i’d probably would have a good whole collection of it now. Hahahaha.

Ok, back to topic, I really hate it when i start getting bad thoughts and there’s no way i could control them. You know that very feeling when you wake up feeling like sh*t and super unmotivated to do anything? that’s how i felt yesterday though. Even though i was pretty excited that it was my first day of work, i didn’t wake up with the best of mood.

How do i explain that feeling? It’s recently that these bad feelings have been lurking in my mind and it’s making me sad. I feel like i’m not good enough, not good enough for anything, anyone. There’s this overwhelming sense of disappointment with myself and i don’t know how to deal with it. I know i’m trying, but am i not trying hard enough? I think what’s been going through my mind is akin to feeling alone in a seemingly crowded room. You know you know? So anyway, on the commute to work, I overheard a couple’s morning conversation about their plans for the day and random things like how their dinner last night wasn’t as good as they thought to be. Not on purpose but the song on Spotify ended and there was this brief pause before the next song, so i decided to prolong the pause and hear what they were talking about.

Guy: Uh so I’ll see you after work later?
Girl: Oh aren’t you meeting your friends for dinner?

Guy: it’s ok, i rather spend the time with you. i can meet them over lunch tomorrow.

#morningconversationsthatgiveyouhope

I saw the girl beam with joy in her eyes and i resumed playing my song. How is it like to feel like you’re actually someone’s priority? and that you’re special to them in all ways. Is that even possible.

How is it that when i know i shouldn’t, i feel the most, and when i should, i feel nothing? I was conversing with my sister over skype yesterday night for a short while because i really needed to talk and i have no idea how i managed to talk until i started crying in front of the screen. It’s either i have really weak tear ducts, or i’m just emotional af.

– It did occur to me and she also mentioned that i might be going through some sort of quarter life crisis –

oh, celeste.
what do i do.