I guess it took me long enough to decide to make a change. I’ve considered countless times to cut my hair, but never had the courage to do it. People around me know that since young, my hair’s pretty important to me. I know it sounds superficial and all, but I’ve always felt like my hair was what gave me some form of confidence. Growing up, i’ve always had a low self esteem, i’ve always thought that my hair would be able to shadow away some of my insecurities. I’m someone who doesn’t really like the idea of change. I hate losing that sense of familiarity should things around me start changing. But as i start to grow older, i begin to understand better why sometimes change is good, and how sometimes change could be for the better. 

The haircut. I know it’s just a haircut, but somehow it feels like a significant change to me.

I got nervous when i was walking to the salon, i felt my stomach churn when i sat down in front of the hairdresser, i started regretting when she took the first snip off my hair. I knew i wanted a shorter length, but i didn’t expect it to be this short. The last i had my hair at this length was 13 years ago, when i was still in primary school. I looked at myself in the mirror after she was done snipping away and i almost couldn’t recognise myself. No longer do i see this girl with slightly longer than shoulder length hair. The entire haircut process was basically me screaming inside and feeling scared. I got home and thought to myself, maybe this haircut is just what i needed to tell myself that i’m ready. There were changes in my life in the beginning of the year, and i’m gonna have to embrace this change and be ready to move on. There were days that i wished i didn’t have to feel anything, there were days where i feel crippled by this heartache that i can only weep under my sheets, and there were days where all that goes through my mind are the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’. And now, these are the days that i am ready to tuck away in a corner and look past them. These are the days that are gonna remind me to be a stronger person. Like my head of hair, my heart feels lighter now that i’ve decided to put away feelings that i’ve chosen to ignore for awhile. Things will start to get better from here on, i believe.

So here’s to the better, brighter days ahead.